Sunday, January 15, 2012

What I would've said...

OK - so - to the gentleman with the puffy gray hair, fussy glasses, shearling car coat and palazzo pants... "your giant Range Rover is more of a parking problem than the tiny girl's compact car (and she was in her lines) - leave her alone!"

Oh - and - while I'm at it. "Hey - Christmas sweat pants! - my U-turn on yellow as perfectly legal (I even still had the light) and properly executed - so save your attitude for the gym or trading floor or pitch meeting."

There. Back to my regularly scheduled Sunday.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Top Banned Corporate Buzzwords for 2012

We're serious. We're traveling together. Hey - look over there.
I'm a renegade because of my unconventional hair...

Having transitioned from corporate life to a great opportunity that allows me the freedom to speak plainly and without code – I’ve compiled a list [with some help from Knock Knock] of the top words or phrases that I will do my best not us utter moving forward. I think it best that we all NOT utter these words, if possible.

I will “circle back” to you and let you know how successful I am or if there are any additions throughout the year.

That said – here we go…

• Leverage
• Synergy
• Challenge
• Opportunity
• Repurpose
• Collaborate
• Drill down – I’m neither a dentist nor a miner.
• Move the needle - as part of a strategic, results-driven initiative designed to repurpose programs leveraging existing synergies by EOD. GOD – I am exhausted.
• But do you have the BANDWIDTH?! You mean the 1s and 0s? DSL?
• Paradigm shift
• Ping – no – not half of a fun table game, a means of reaching out to communicate with someone.
• Proactive
• Silo – on the farm – not at work.
• Ideate – NOT A WORD
• Curate – unless you’re a gallery owner or director…
• Parking lot – let’s put this phrase in the parking lot indefinitely
• Results-driven – what other kind of activity would you undertake?
• Strategic – and its ugly sister strategic initiative. Again – why bother with the UNstrategic initiatives?
• Outside the box – people still say this?
• Out of pocket – or just unavailable?
• Work-life balance – if you’re using any of these phrases – you likely do not have one.
• Come-to-Jesus
• Offline – ACK – let’s discuss this one offline.
• Buy-in
• Bio-break – really? I just have to use the restroom…
• Per – “Per your request…”
• “Circle back”
• “Low hanging fruit…” why not – going after the easily attained goals?
• Most abbreviations – BHAG, CYA, EOD, PSR, ODC, MIA, PDQ…

If – God forbid – you’d like me to define any of the abovementioned items – well – drop me a note and I will begrudgingly [OK – happily} share the information with you.

On to a clear and concise communications year!