Telling the truth = missed opportunity.

I know I dodged a bullet...

 

You know, as I watch national events unfold and see how elected officials are responding to it, I’ve been reflecting on an interview I had not so long ago.  I was the “first runner up” so to speak.  As is often the case, a candidate that didn’t require relo assistance was chosen.  And, as is often the case, there’ve been a number of people in the position since.  That alone leads me to believe I dodged a bullet.

 

But, as I pondered the process and tried to pinpoint missteps I may have made during it, I came up with two options.  One was that one of the people with whom I did not have a particularly warm or engaging interaction was a key influencer and blackballed me.

 

The second possibility that I considered and think might have sunk my candidacy occurred over a dinner conversation.  The company president asked me if there was anything I wouldn’t PR – so to speak.  The leader told me that the agency wouldn’t represent tobacco companies and some other categories I forget, which I found admirable.  I thought a moment and mentioned that I would likely not like to work with/for a specific local politician who, even back then, was noted for being particularly incompetent, divisive and, well, useless.  I’m not even sure how or why I went down that road.  But, I did.  I could sense a shift and was told that perhaps that pol would feature an important local commodity board’s product at a campaign gathering and if we represented that commodity, we’d have to show up and PR, PR…   That was the end of that part of the conversation and I think, really chilled the rest of the evening.  

 

The next day, the conversations and interviews went swimmingly and I really liked the team and agency leadership – save for that aforementioned influential interviewer – and the space and was truly jazzed about the possibilities.  But… well, you know the outcome.

 

As I reflect, now, I’m happy that I said what I did and I would say it again.  I am, and will continue to be, true to myself and my beliefs, despite the potentially detrimental impact to my professional life.  No job is worth it.  You be you.

Triggers and Forgiveness...

Until my resignation following my brother’s death, I lead North American consumer programs for one of Porter Novelli’s largest clients.  This is the agency that brought me to California.  This is the agency that allowed me to meet many wonderful colleagues.  This is the agency that sharpened my team management and contract negotiation skills. This is the agency that had me on a fast and steep ascension plan.  This is the agency that employed people who purposely or inadvertently orchestrated my diminished tenure.  This is the agency that purposely orchestrated the diminished tenure of several talented colleagues.  I left because I had to.  I left because my path would’ve taken me further and further from my gifts and joy. I left because of several old-school, tactless leaders created a hostile work environment.  This followed the difficult task of a job practicing public relations in an “integrated marketing” agency (yeah, right) in South Carolina.

Well.  I’ve finally let go of the hurt and indignation – for myself and for my colleagues.

This is going to be long post for me. I now understand triggers. 

An emotional trigger is an involuntary response to a person, situation, event, conversation, film or TV show, or other content that provokes a visceral emotional reaction. We’re not always aware that we’re being/have been triggered and therefore can react before sorting through our emotional response. Having struggled to find a professional home and having dealt with negative, unsupportive “leaders” more than once in my career, my self confidence was shaky at best. Presenting triggered memories of all the horrible conference calls, meetings {“You’re a Vice President.  You figure it out!” during my third week in this important role} and presentations met with scowls, snark and doubt.

Then there were pulses…

Pulses, if you don’t know, are peas, lentils, and beans of all sorts.  Having worked on one large commodity board client, getting this an interview for an opportunity for this group went pretty smoothly.  So – I headed to Palouse country.  An in-person interview brought me to rural northern Idaho.

I thought it went as well as it could have.  I was really impressed with the way I presented.  I know that sounds odd – because during my tenure at Porter - my immediate boss, his boss and our managing director were all terrible audience participants.  Unsupportive, unpleasant and judgmental, they once even surprised the client with their tone and tenor.  Presenting with or in front of them damaged my confidence and wrecked my presentation abilities.  I don’t know if it’s because I really knew what I was talking about, the fact that I kind of thought “it is what it is,” the fact that theyweren’t involved (the PN folks), or some combo of it all tossed with a dressing of WTF vinaigrette - but I killed in this interview – a setting of farmers and commodity bureaucrats.  I was poised, confident, none-too-verbose {a shock to even me!] and really funny.  I had them.  And - they loved the lentil brownies I baked and brought with me.

What made the difference?

It all stemmed from the demeanor and expression of the organization president and how he was responding to my presentation.  At every turn a smile and a nod and a positive energy.  What a world of difference that made.  It really went along way toward allowing me to focus on questions and my presentation.  It allowed me to be me and to deliver what I needed to without second guessing absolutely every syllable and utterance.  What a difference it made.  That one meeting has stuck with me.  While I was not offered the position (I can explain offline some time), I had a great experience and am well prepared for future meetings, presentations and group discussions. I can release the sour previous events and move on. 

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