Until my resignation following my brother’s death, I lead North American consumer programs for one of Porter Novelli’s largest clients. This is the agency that brought me to California. This is the agency that allowed me to meet many wonderful colleagues. This is the agency that sharpened my team management and contract negotiation skills. This is the agency that had me on a fast and steep ascension plan. This is the agency that employed people who purposely or inadvertently orchestrated my diminished tenure. This is the agency that purposely orchestrated the diminished tenure of several talented colleagues. I left because I had to. I left because my path would’ve taken me further and further from my gifts and joy. I left because of several old-school, tactless leaders created a hostile work environment. This followed the difficult task of a job practicing public relations in an “integrated marketing” agency (yeah, right) in South Carolina.
Well. I’ve finally let go of the hurt and indignation – for myself and for my colleagues.
This is going to be long post for me. I now understand triggers.
An emotional trigger is an involuntary response to a person, situation, event, conversation, film or TV show, or other content that provokes a visceral emotional reaction. We’re not always aware that we’re being/have been triggered and therefore can react before sorting through our emotional response. Having struggled to find a professional home and having dealt with negative, unsupportive “leaders” more than once in my career, my self confidence was shaky at best. Presenting triggered memories of all the horrible conference calls, meetings {“You’re a Vice President. You figure it out!” during my third week in this important role} and presentations met with scowls, snark and doubt.
Then there were pulses…
Pulses, if you don’t know, are peas, lentils, and beans of all sorts. Having worked on one large commodity board client, getting this an interview for an opportunity for this group went pretty smoothly. So – I headed to Palouse country. An in-person interview brought me to rural northern Idaho.
I thought it went as well as it could have. I was really impressed with the way I presented. I know that sounds odd – because during my tenure at Porter - my immediate boss, his boss and our managing director were all terrible audience participants. Unsupportive, unpleasant and judgmental, they once even surprised the client with their tone and tenor. Presenting with or in front of them damaged my confidence and wrecked my presentation abilities. I don’t know if it’s because I really knew what I was talking about, the fact that I kind of thought “it is what it is,” the fact that theyweren’t involved (the PN folks), or some combo of it all tossed with a dressing of WTF vinaigrette - but I killed in this interview – a setting of farmers and commodity bureaucrats. I was poised, confident, none-too-verbose {a shock to even me!] and really funny. I had them. And - they loved the lentil brownies I baked and brought with me.
What made the difference?
It all stemmed from the demeanor and expression of the organization president and how he was responding to my presentation. At every turn a smile and a nod and a positive energy. What a world of difference that made. It really went along way toward allowing me to focus on questions and my presentation. It allowed me to be me and to deliver what I needed to without second guessing absolutely every syllable and utterance. What a difference it made. That one meeting has stuck with me. While I was not offered the position (I can explain offline some time), I had a great experience and am well prepared for future meetings, presentations and group discussions. I can release the sour previous events and move on.
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